i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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