I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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