you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
