Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
