69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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