dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
