STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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