Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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