Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
