SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize