3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
