I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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