trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
