Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
