U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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