ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
