You don't have asthma, your pregnant
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
