a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
