someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
