the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
