yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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