I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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