Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
