my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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