omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
