He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
