My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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