Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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