im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
