What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
