I like my sex mixed with concussions.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Alive.
So much puke
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
