Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
