We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
