We won't sleep together?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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