I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can you bring me the toilet please
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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