I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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