bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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