Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
