I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
