I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
