There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
