Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
