I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
