I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
