If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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