i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
