I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
