ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
