How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
