puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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