oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
