They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
