I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
