I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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