The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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