the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
