I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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