I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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